Monday, November 9, 2009

Marriage on Mondays

Marriage on Mondays …

yes, it can be a good thing. I believe if one is married then by gum, by golly, it ought to be marvelous. However, I know of and am acquainted with so many who are just surviving their marriage.

Sometimes it has become a life of boredom, weariness … for whatever reason, it is just checked off – marital status – yes or no? … uh, yes. It has become something where they are merely existing day to day in a state of mediocrity, the doldrums. No, it’s not what they wanted but they don’t know what to do with “it” or themselves. They’re just too tired to make it work, make a difference. I don’t know but, sometimes we drift into this mediocrity … it’s upon us before we even realize it. We end up drowning in the same ol’, same ol’ and it’s killing us.

Other times we come upon financial or emotional crisis and rather than talk things through rationally, we shout our way through our days. Our homes become war zones where we go from one battle to the next and our energy is spent in ‘one-up-man-ship’. I have even witnessed friends who laugh as they ‘get one over’ on their spouse. Their conversation has become a continual sparring battle … words with just the right thrust, at just the right angle to inflict the most pain and damage. And again, we end up killing ourselves … sadness in it’s saddest form.

Boredom, conflict, contention, frustration, dissatisfaction, ambivalence … whew! These words NEVER should be what describes the marriage of two people. But they do.

If you are there … if you have arrived at this place I want you to know it can be better. Your marriage can shine. Your marriage can one day be a Masterpiece of utmost Beauty. The first step, though, is sometimes the hardest to take because before you take that first step you have to realize where you are and WANT to make it different. You have to DECIDE it CAN be better. You can move on down that road that will take you from this awful here to that beautiful land of fulfillment, love and passion that you only dare to dream of.

I also want you to know you don’t have to do it by yourself. There are so many people ‘out there’ that can help you on your journey to a better marriage.

‘Church’ is one of the best places to go for marital help. Usually most churches have classes you can be a part of. Quite a few churches offer free counseling with skilled staff. Many times there are even workshops to attend. The best thing ‘churches’ can do is to offer friendship of others who are striving to make their marriages work. Believe it or not, there are loads of people who really, truly want to create a masterpiece of a marriage and are more than willing to offer advice and encouragement and really don’t ‘judge’ in the process. And believe it or not, contrary to popular belief, most people are not hypocrites who attend ‘church’. Most of the time we are quickest to judge hypocrisy when we do not know someone or the facts. In my humble opinion, a ‘bench warmer’ usually passes judgment based on very few true facts.

If you don’t want to get involved with others right now you can still do plenty on your own – books are the most marvelous source on ‘how-to’ make marriage work. Also, there are video series and workbooks to go through to help you. You can tackle this battle as privately as you want and I still know you can improve.

Another problem to be noted here is that many times there’s this marriage and only one of the partners is willing to make changes. One is desperate for a better life but the other is either unwilling to change, doesn’t admit there is a problem or is just too lazy … is content to exist in the ‘mundane’. Well, I am here to let you know I have witnessed radical differences made even in these situations. Yep, there are some excellent books that take you from exactly where you are, husband or wife, and simply deal with your role. Your attitude. Your actions. Your reactions. It is when you learn what you are to do, when to do it, and how … well, great and amazing things end up happening. Sometimes, the biggest problem is … we just don’t know what to do next. That is what these books are all about.

I have a number of books here that I have seen utilized and the response has been life-changing. I list them through CBD which is a discount wholesaler of Christian books so, the prices are way low … however, I don’t want you to let $$ ever be used as an excuse not to read these … use a church library or public library to borrow them from. If you don’t see what you want many times a library will order a book if they know the public is interested.

No one will ever tell you Marriage is EASY – it’s not! (and if they do say it’s easy, they are lying or living on a different planet) In fact marriage just might be the most difficult J-O-B you ever have but I believe, wholeheartedly, that your marriage can be a … J-O-Y!

I believe in Marriage – I believe it was intended to be the most fantastic partnership ever. I believe each of us is capable of creating a covenant that is amazing and wonderful.

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Here’s a book for Him … it’s a great one. Did you know God actually designed Marriage so that a Husband was actually, could truly be … a  Prophet, Priest and King of his own family? … like royalty in its holiest form … pure beauty.

11665: A Husband After God"s Own Heart: 12 Things That Really Matter in Your Marriage
By Jim George
The closer a husband is to God, the closer he will grow to his wife. That’s why it’s so vital for husbands to pursue God’s heart and get to know His perfect design for the man’s role in the marriage relationship. In A Husband After God’s Own Heart, husbands will find their marriages growing richer and deeper as they discover how to win a wife’s heart through loving leadership, enjoy better communication through careful listening, build a happier home through wise guidance, encourage the family’s spiritual growth by example, and excel at a career without sacrificing family priorities. George addresses 12 areas of a husband’s life, providing men with powerful and practical applications for becoming a husband after God’s own heart. Includes study guide.

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Let’s face it Women, if a woman doesn’t love her self then it’s hard for her to love anyone else. No one loves you and who you are like the Father who knitted you in your Mother’s womb  – talk it all over with Him. Fall in love with yourself so you can love your husband like he deserves.

919261: The Power of a Praying Woman By Stormie Omartian
It may seem easier to pray for your spouse, your children, your friends, and your extended family, but God wants to hear your requests for your life too. He loves it when you come to Him for the things you need and ask Him to help you become the woman you have always longed to be. The Power of a Praying Woman has led countless women into deeper, more fulfilling prayer lives. Now, with a new cover, Omartian, through her knowledge of Scripture and candid examples of her own epiphanies in prayer, shows you how to:
  • draw closer to God
  • know His plans and purpose for your life
  • receive comfort, help, and strength for every day
Trust Him moment by moment with the concerns of your heart and discover the awesome power that prayer will release in your life.

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This one is for both of you – you speak different languages and you have to study this to get it right. Once you realize this and learn the language of your lover then it’s a place like no other!

73156: The Five Love Languages By Gary Chapman
Dr. Gary Chapman, Christian marriage counselor and author of The Five Love Languages, helps married couples deal with their unmet needs for love. Because a husband and wife often have different communication styles, it is common for a spouse to not feel or recognize the love given to them. In his bestselling book, The Five Love Languages, Dr. Chapman identifies and explains five unique communication methods – Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Then he encourages couples to learn how to speak love in their spouse’s primary love language, not their own. Love is something you do for someone else, not yourself. Begin today. Includes a study guide; paperback.

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This isn’t all by any means — I have more resources listed at YOUR NINTH HOUR … Today just could be your new beginning! Let the journey begin!

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