Well, it promises to be fun – eventually.
I feel blah. Through and through – deep-in-my-heart blah. Some days are just like this, I know it’s not a usual ‘me’ feeling so I have been doing what I can to snap out of it. Then again, I think it’s okay to embrace blah-ness for a little. After-all, in the scheme of things, roses wouldn’t be roses without their thorns and life wouldn’t be life if it was always brilliant.
What started this was me running across a folder yesterday – but not any folder. It is a beautiful blue file folder of dreams that once were. Dreams that were only dreams – aspirations that never came to fruition. But, while I was there – in that place in time I was so happy and fulfilled . I LOVED dreaming those dreams. It was a delightful time of creativity that saw me and my sister, Faye, through what could have been devastating moments.
Okay these dreams involved us being ‘gardeners for hire’ and we had so many creative ideas from the types of gardens to home-made stepping stones, to garden sculptures, to wood-burnt crafts. Oh, it was fun! We sweated, laughed, cried, worked and played together like little girls … all the while, taking care of our Mom, and then sister-angel, Jonell, during their months/years of hospice until they each eventually, died.
Hubby and I had a few acres picked out on the land too – and for ‘breaks’ of solitude I’d go up to this hill and sit and visit with God in quiet and solitude – which wasn’t found in the house! Sometimes I’d sing, mostly, though I’d pray and part of the time just do some remembering. Not of better days necessarily, but of stronger days, when the family was intact, complete, y’know? And of course, I’d do some imaginary planning … of a home Lowell and I could build – like we used to talk about when we were newlyweds.A home with just enough land to be ’self-sufficient’.
Of course, life has a way of taking its unexpected turns and twists that one never planned for or anticipated and that’s OKAY – I always say, God is the best Author ever – and His stories never fail to be remarkable. Still, though, dreaming has always got me through hard spots in life. Someday, I want to reflect on and rejoice in dreams fulfilled . In the meantime, I had a day of dealing with ‘broken dreams’.
“Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is like a broken winged bird that cannot fly.” Langston Hughes. – that has been a favorite quote since I found it in highschool.
To snap out of the blahs, I visited my flowers – but the first stop was to a patch of unexpected ferns that have made themselves at home in our flowerbed. After the ferns I walked around the yard and smiled at the hugs of the Father. My soul is refreshed. Also, add to that, that the love of my life called twice from the office and Jake and I will be meeting him for lunch. That puts a smile on the errands afterwards.
And, tonight, rather than the normal small group meeting in our home, all the small groups are participating in another bonfire on the hilltop nearby. That will conclude my “fun on a Friday” whether I wanted to feel blah or not. Okay, I am feeling a little Sunshine in My Soul.
Life is good on this Friday. Amen.